Monday, 22 July 2013

A Night on the Beach

Inspiration comes from anywhere. In this case, it came from being at work and being offered overtime. I work night shifts, and because of the extra work offered to me, it meant that instead of having a weekend, I was having one night off work. One night, so not worth trying to stay away for a day before switching into night-mode again, it would be easier on my sleep pattern just to stay in night-mode.

So, I thought -what can I do if I am up all night?

I wanted to go out somewhere, I felt like I had been away from the great outdoors for ages. And I wanted a fire.

But we are in the middle of a heatwave, and the risk of setting fire to the great outdoors is high at the moment, so where could I do this safely? On a beach! And I had one night to do this.

So, having chosen 'a beach' I had to decide which beach, and I immediately came up with Morfa Dyffryn, although it is 2 hours away from where I live I stuck with this (and there are closer beaches) because I know where it is, I know the layout of the beach, I have been there drumming before, and I know it to be a safe beach in terms of being able to go in the water and not be swept away or get stuck in mud or quicksand when the tide turns.

I love the drive there, through the Denbigh moors, past Bala and Llyn Tegid, and around Cader Idris, across the Mawddach Estuary and up the coastline of west Wales. This feels like my sacred landscape, and sometimes, like I am driving through time itself.

I got to the beach just after sunset, it was almost full moon, and as I set foot on the beach, she was high in the sky and the sea was still and flat, reflecting her pale silver glow like a rippled mirror.

I decided to build my fire on the tidal part of the beach, that way, when the tide came in, after dawn, it would make sure that it was all put out. I had brought a bit of wood with me, and I easily found more as I went beach-combing, and I set it all out handy to make a fire, and I unpacked the few things I had brought with me around it to set up a base for the night, digging in the sand to make a fire-bowl around the wood, and getting everything ready for after my swim

I stripped off and headed off to the waters edge, carefully stepping in and wading out. In the moonlight I could see that if I looked down, I could see all the way down to the bottom, the water was very clear. All around me was darkness, other than from above  - I was under the Milky Way and the moon was directly ahead, and I was wading out into a silvery shimmer of reflected moonlight. There were small splashed all around me, and as I began to swim, I realised that I was swimming in a shoal of small fishes that were jumping out of the water and skimming the surface, dancing in the moonlight themselves. I looked back at the dunes where I had made my base. No lights, no sign of people even existing, other than me, and I called out to the gods of Land, Sea and Sky.



I swam for a while then floated on my back, gazing up to the moon and the stars, swimming through her silvery waters. I relaxed and just floated, and felt like I was being pulled and spun around.
I didn't want to end up all out at sea, so I stood on my feet again, and as I looked up, the stars were indeed spinning round and round me, it didn't feel so good, so I floated again, and they all stood still, which was better for me, but I still felt like I was spinning myself, just keeping in time with the circling stars.

Regaining my feet again, I stood still. The moon was still. The stars however were spinning in circles above me, faster and faster, round and round, and I felt very giddy and unsteady, and I needed to get ashore, so I staggered my way out, through the jumping fishes, through the moonlit water back to land, where I knew I wouldn't drown if I passed out! I started to feel sick, I was that giddy with the stars still spinning around me in circles.

Land. Safety. Must make it back to where my base is. I felt so entirely weak and drained. Like I was staggering back. I got back to where my travel rug was laid out, wondering what the tap-tap-tap noise was, but needing to be wrapped up before I got cold, and, pulling my blanket out of the bag, realised that the whole place was covered with sand - hoppers. And I mean - covered.

http://youtu.be/B4ZqZHpo0TE
(this is not my video)

Chucking everything onto the rug, I managed to pull it slowly up the beach, out of the firm tidal area, into soft sand. I could barely keep on my feet, I felt so week. Tipping everything onto the sand I wrapped myself in the blanket, laid down and closed my eyes so that the world wasn't spinning any more. I felt weak and hungry like I hadn't eaten for a week.

After a while, I have no idea how long, I woke up, feeling better but thinking - if I don't get the fire going, I will surely die, so I struggled out of my blanket and made the fire and lit it, and I soon had a roaring fire going, throwing out plenty of light and heat, and again I wrapped myself up in my blanket, and curled up round the fire, keeping warm and feeling dozy and safe again.



After a while I opened my eyes again, feeling 100% better. As I lay there I could see the moon dipping towards the sea, turning orange on the horizon and sinking beneath the waves. I pulled out my drum and drummed as she sank. And then - it was pitch black.



I sat and stared at the stars for a while, watched a meteorite fall through the sky behind me and then wondered what to do. I had had ideas of rituals to do and had brought my kit - but I didn't feel like it, so I sat there and drummed, burned incense and drummed some more, did a bit of visualisation, and then just lay down by the fire and felt at one with the beach and the dunes, and I just stayed there til all the wood was gone and dawn was starting to creep into the sky behind me.



Covering the fire over, I made my way into the dunes where i would be able to see the sun  rise, but decided to look instead out to sea so that I would be able to see the dolphin... Nothing was happening in the sea, so I had a wander around and then came back to my vantage point, and as I was thinking to myself  "Hey -what dolphin?", I saw a black shape splash out of the water just off the beach. And again. And again... and I sat there watching as a Harbour Porpoise patrolled up and down the beach where I had been before, generally 'porpoising' but it did also breach the water and splash back down again. And then I realised that mosquitoes also come alive at dawn, not just at sunset, and I was being eaten alive, so i ran down to the beach again to be free of them.

The horizon to the East held the Snowdonia mountains, so the sun would take a while to reach over them, I stayed on the beach until it was really bright, and hoping that the mosquitoes would have gone by then, I ran back up to the dunes to get some photos and sit for a while. It must have been about 6am by then.










My ankle started to swell up by one of the bites, so I decided it was time to go while I could still walk and drive

I've just written about the physicality of being there and what the beach taught me.

Stay off the tidal zone - in the dark it becomes alive with sandhoppers. On my way back to the car I found the stripped body of a seagull, and I have no doubt in my mind that if I had fallen asleep on their part of the beach, I would have woken up missing an arm or some vital organs.

Midges and Mosquitoes are also active at dawn!

The soft sandy part of the beach is for people!

I don't know what happened with the spinning stars and feeling ill, I did feel like I was the only person alive then, like I had to rely on myself and my own resources. Through the night and on my journey to get to the beach I had a lot of my personal issues come up and confront me, and I sorted a lot of things out in my head.

It was a good night, and I went home feeling like I had stepped out of my life for a while, and had returned totally refreshed.

Sunday, 30 June 2013

Talking With The Elder Mother



The elder is flowering later this year than it normally does round here, I usually pick flowers to make wine from as part of my solstice celebrations, but they weren't out in time this year, usually I just catch the end the end of the flowering, this time round I am near the beginning of it.

It began as usual with my walk round the fields, I had come prepared with 2 carrier bags and a lancet to bargain with. During my walk I used one of the bags to pick up litter on my way. I found the Elder Mother, a tree I have sat and talked with many times before, and carefully picked my way through her shield of nettles to sit beneath her branches, hidden from the rest of the world, and closed my eyes.

In my meditation I met her and re-introduced myself, and the reason I had come to the tree, to ask permission to pick flowers to make wine from. Last year's wine has all gone now, and was used solely for ritual purposes, a small glass or two for me and anyone else involved, the rest used to wash down stones at burial sites and other places I have been to in the past year.

Last year was a bad year for the flowers, so she had told me only to take a few flowers from each tree, and that the wine must only be used in rituals.

This year she was different. This years wine is to be about sharing. I was given permission to pick flowers
"If you can smell them you can pick them"
And the feeling I got from her was that this year was about gentleness. In the past I have given hair in return, this year I had brought a lancet to offer blood if she had wanted it. But with this years theme of 'gentleness'  she declined my offer and told me instead that I was to carry on collecting litter, and in the sharing of the wine, I was also to share the story of making the wine - of collecting with respect and permission and joint understanding.

Hence this post :-)

I soon found out the point of her saying "If you can smell them you can pick them". Thrusting my nose into each bloom before picking it, some flowers were rejected because I couldn't smell them.  I thanked her and moved to the next tree in the hedgerow, which is where I found my restriction - I could only pick flowers that I could reach with my yellow-pollen covered face. Normally I would pick from whatever was in reach of my hands, but this time round, if I couldn't reach the bloom with my nose, it was a no-go.
And this worked quite well to be honest - although my face was yellow when I left, I had picked enough to make my wine with, and I hadn't picked too many - there is always a tendency to fill whatever bag it is that I have taken with me.

She's a wise one, that Elder Mother.

At the moment the flowers have been removed from the stems and are soaking in water in a bucket, in four days time they will be strained and the brewing will start.






Friday, 24 May 2013

The Magical Mystery Tour

This is my second post inspired by Barry Pattersons book "The Art of Conversation with the Genius Loci" which I thoroughly recommend reading, but comes with a warning not to buy it from Amazon as they only have out of date 10 year old copies, you are advised to get the new version, updated with an extra 10 years experience and re-edited and jigged about, this a can be bought from the publisher here -

http://www.capallbann.co.uk/popup.cfm?p_n=24992&p_i=24992


Right back to my blog... In the book Barry suggests playing a game with the Genius Loci, which he calls the magical mystery tour, which is contained in his poem -

Whitley Grove 

The call of the woods
In the morning light!
Trees upon a hill - 
Its like coming home.

The green pool, the scarred birch
The weathered Lime,
Ramsons' garlicky stink
Upon the bank
And in the deep

The deep secrets of the earth
Emerge and are held in a dark hollow
Where broken tree limbs
Sandstone and tangled birdsong
Meet in the water

The slumber of summer
Stifles the sound
Of our voices in the leafy bower
Where we wait
For something to appear
A guide to show us the way.

The iron gate is warm from the sun
An emerald fly
sits upon one of its spikes
It can only see our shadows
When they fall
It flees, we follow

Bobbing eldern umbels
Mark the way
Stink of nettles and dark earth
A string of cloud is pulled
From across the sun
The door is open, 
The game's begun

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I had a ritual to do, in the forest. I knew the forest was the right place to do it, and I had the right time coming up. What I needed to do was to find the right spot within the forest. I was sure I knew where this was, I had been there before but I wanted to go and check it out again before wandering there in the dark, so I took a day to visit the forest again with this intention. But having been reading Barrys book, I decided to play the magical mystery tour, certain that it would take me to the place I had already decided. I know this part of the forest and that was the best place.

I pulled up in the car park, unloaded and booted up, unpacked the dog and waited. I breathed, and I spoke my name, what I wanted to do in the forest, the reason for the ritual, and asked if it would guide me to an appropriate place to do it.

And I waited. 

Birdsong...... so I followed it, and it stopped. Again I waited.

Movement... a treecreeper on the trunk of a tree, flitting from one tree to another, always on my side of the tree, always in my sight, and it was following a path.... so I followed.

At a crossroads, the treecreeper left, so I waited. In the tree above me, a chaffinch started to sing, so I watched and waited. It flew to another tree, following the direction of one of the paths, so I followed, and on to another and another, I followed. then it went silent. Crossroads again.

Another chaffinch picked up the call of the one I was following, I couldn't see it so I followed the sound until it stopped. At a crossroads again. I waited. Voices could be heard ahead.

I wasnt sure if people were included in this, so I hesitated. I had a choice of 3 paths to take. A black dog came hurtling through the trees along one path and skidded to a halt in front of us, sniffed little Ruby and then ran off again back along the path back to its owners. So I followed.

Walking along a straight path now, with really dense birch saplings on the left, fields on the right. Following the path straight ahead, the branches of one tree on the edge of the field seemed to be swaying indicating to go into the birch saplings. They were so dense though, I would be squeezing through them, and there was no path... I was unsure, so I waited.

The sunlight picked out a swarm of midges on the path ahead, dancing on the breeze. I checked behind me, no midges. So I followed them until they werent there any more. No more signs... so I stopped.

Breeze again. The tree next to me swayed its branches towards the birch saplings and this time there was a very vague twist path to go through the saplings. Climbing over branches and stumps and brambles, and squeezing in places, I followed, picking up the sound of a great tit. It stopped. I was in a very small space. The path had twisted and turned and actually wasnt far from the main path, it was hardly private enough for a ritual and there was not enough room. Ruby trotted off and made herself busy elsewhere. 

"Oh well. I may as well see what she is doing"... so went in her direction.

CLACK CLACK  in the breeze, 2 saplings were knocking against each other, so mi picked up that trail, and it stopped.

I was now hidden well amongst the birches in a small clearing in the root-space where a tree had fallen. It was peaceful and private, not big enough for my ritual, but it felt nice, so I sat down and just felt the place about me.

Peace. 

What do  do now? I'll sit and just be here for a while.

Across the clearing came a fly.A large brown fly, walking across the forest floor. Walking straight up to me. I sat still. It walked up to me and reached my leg. I sat and watched it. It climbed up onto my right knee, shifted itself out of the breeze and settled down. One of its wings as broken, and it couldnt fly. It was a Hover fly, just like this one, but with only one and a half wings.


I sat a while longer, closed my eyes, making certain that i didnt move my hands about in case I squashed the fly. When i opened my eyes again it was still on my knee. Warmed up a bit, it moved about and turned facing straight at me, and I sat there wondering what on earth was going to happen next. 

A family of great its came through the trees, searching for insects, all around me in the tips of the young birches. Among the was a siskin that paused for a second and tilted its head to see what i was doing. 

And then they left, and the space felt empty again. It was different, it was over. 

So I thanked the fly, picked it up and put it onto the trunk of a tree and it climbed up as I picked up my things and tried to work out how to get out of here back onto the path. When I next looked, the fly had gone.

I hadnt found anywhere new to do my ritual but I had felt something special. I got back onto the path and wandered about in the general direction of the place I had first thought of going. No agenda other than walk over there and see how it was. 

I picked up some litter that was there along the way as I walked, and just through general meandering, wandered into a part I had never been in before, through some mature beech trees.  There ahead of me was a clearing, a fallen tree to sit on, and the entrance to the clearing was through an arch where two trees had grown into each other. I walked into the space. It felt right. The arch was even in the west. It was perfect. I had found my new place.

Saying thank-you, I picked up the pile of litter I had collected and went back to the car. I will be back, when the time comes.


Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Cae Mabon and Afon Fachwen

I've not done this before with my blog, , but I think the next two pieces I will write are going to illustrate small incidents that maybe I wouldn't have written about normally, but I have been reading 'The Art of Conversation with the Genius Loci' by Barry Patterson. In this book, Barry explains how he works spiritually with spirits of the land, and as I've been reading it, as I go through each section, I've found myself saying "Oh.... that's like when I....." or "Oh, now I understand why I did such-and-such".. its such a good book for me, because it sets out a way of working almost exactly the way that I do it - except Barry has a couple of decades of experience on me, and he knows what he is doing and why, and has a really good way of getting it across, this book is really going to help me deepen my connection, and well, its just brought 2 little things to mind that I feel it is worth sharing...

A couple of notes taken from the book to be considered are
" See the genius Loci as a composite - imagine an ecosystem with feelings. Its many dimensions may be constellated within space -as energies, structures and  relationships, - in time as events, or in other ways" 
and
"it  is important to remember that in many cultures the spirits may be unseen for various reasons and that they may be considered capable of changing their shape and appearance in human, animal and plant forms in our eyes, our dreaming or imagination"

In April I stayed at Cae Mabon, in North Wales for the World drum weekend, which really is a fabulous place to stay, you can google it if you don't already know it.There is a small river/street that runs through the land, with all the buildings and eco-structures and roundhouse on one side, and woodland on the other.This is Afon Fachwen, and she runs down into Llyn Padarn, in the valley below.




Now, when I heard the name of the river, I knew from the -wen at the end that it signified something sacred. 

The morning after my arrival we were generally milling around and enjoying the place, there is a jacuzzi on the side of the river and a group of us were standing round there, looking across to the other side, in the woods, where there is a goddess carved into one of the trees, and someone made a comment about the goddess, something like how beautiful it was, and my inner dialogue made a comment to myself how she wasn't a patch on MY goddess, who I am devoted to - more out of affection for her than anything else, but ArrrGGGhhhh! I felt I had dis-respected the spirit of the river, and although my companions carried on with their conversation, I walked off alone to go and see the river further upstream and to just see the beauty of it alone and be fully in that place rather than having my mind elsewhere and bringing that with me.

So, a little upstream, someone who was there for the weekend had a dog, and this dog was sitting there with a stick, just waiting and  wanting it thrown, and I, well, I decided to throw it and go into the woods on the other side, there were boulders than I could use to jump across into the woods, so I picked up the stick and threw it across first for the dog to fetch.....

And a split second later I was dumped on my arse in the river... I slipped and fell, rather gently as it happened and the way I fell amazed me more, initially, than finding myself sitting in the river - it was so gentle, it was like someone had picked me up and plonked me down. But there I was dumped in the river, and I knew what had happened. I said " Sorry, I have dis-respected you, and I apologise". It was then that I pulled myself up and found that far from being on my own, there were actually several people stood around me and I had actually been photographed, which, yeah ok, I sat back down in the river again, but it recorded my humiliation by Fachwen, and I laughed at myself for being pompous about her in the first place.

After we had all had a laugh, and I had taken my boots off, poured out the water and wrung my socks out, I squelched off barefoot to my lodging and collected my drum bag and came back to where I had fallen in.

At first I rattled to the river, but the rattle sound didn't seem right or really welcome, so I swapped it for the drum and I started to drum, quietly, matching the sound of the river, and the steady beats changed into a rhythm and I kept that up. Talking to the river over the drum and through the drum, I apologised  again and wanted to make amends. The drum got louder for a bit, then got quieter, but it kept up the same rhythm, and I focused on a particular bit where the water fell over some stones, wondering if I would see anything there, and I just sat and gazed until I was gazing into nothing, still drumming, then I shifted a little and on a boulder across the water, was a caddis fly, and it caught my attention as it walked around, flew a little distance, landed again, but never went out of sight.


And I recognised the moment. I remarked and watched at how beautiful the fly was, the gracefulness of how it flew, how the folded wings looked like a flowing dress when she walked, the gentle twitching of the antennae...

I looked away for a few moments, adjusting the drum, when I looked back, she was gone.

So I looked back towards my drum and wondered how long to carry on drumming for. There on the boulder where I was sitting, right next to me, was a caddis fly. It certainly looked like the same caddis fly from before, and I carried on drumming gently as it scurried about on the rock.

I stopped drumming, and held out my finger, gently resting it on the boulder. The fly scurrying around, bumped into it, and climbed aboard.  I lifted my finger up, with the caddis fly sitting on the tip, and held it in front of my face. We shared a minute of just being in that moment of feeling each others presence, and gently, I laid my finger back on the boulder, and the fly crawled off, and I said "Thank You"

It was done. I put my drum and beater back into my bag, and as I closed it, a call went out that Caryl had arrived and we were to go to the roundhouse.


__________________________________________________________________________

As a footnote, if you are interested, rather than have you just look it up on Amazon, the book is available from Capall Bann, here http://www.capallbann.co.uk/popup.cfm?p_n=24992&p_i=24992 
Dont buy it from Amazon, as this is an older version, the direct link is for an updated re-edited and added-to version, with an extra 10 years of experience driving the re-vamp.

Monday, 20 May 2013

Aquila, Hawk of Dawn

"Standing in a misty, frosty field, the half-moon directly West, behind me, still shedding so much light that I have a defined shadow lying before me as I watch the hawk of dawn rise from the Eastern horizon. Except the hawk is an eagle or a vulture, and is also known as Llew Llaw Gyffes..."

Finally I am getting to writing this up, its been a month but it is still fresh in my mind.

After extinguishing the flame at sunset, I wanted to go out. It was dark, and cold because of the clear cloudless sky, I wanted to go out and see the moon. So I did.

I drove off into North Wales, wanting to be away from the light pollution in Chester, and I wanted to be somewhere open, where I could have a good view of the night sky. I ended up driving along lanes looking for a place to stop, passing signs for public footpaths, but they all seemed to be going alongside peoples gardens, and I didn't really want to be traipsing through gardens in the dark at midnight.

I kept on going until I came back to the main road, and there, on the junction was a verge I could park on, and a farm gate into an open field. Not exactly where I had planned, but it was where I had ended up, so I pulled in and climbed over the gate, making sure that the field was empty.

Now, at this point I hadn't actually thought about what I was going to do, I had been pre-occupied with finding somewhere to get out of the car. So, without thinking, I walked into the field, until I came to a halt, and with my arms open, turned round to survey the landscape and  the horizon. I hailed the moon, and called to the directions, inviting the landscape from every direction to hear me and accompany me. To the north the neolithic burial site that I have spent a year working with and have connection with. To the East the River I have had several years working and relationship with. South was all the places I have lived, in this area, West are the bronze age hill forts where I tend to do ritual and have relationship with. I called each one in to me, and I don't know why, but as I turned again, I spat onto the ground in the four directions, and then stopped to gaze at the moon.

And then, words came, from out of nowhere they just seemed to be flowing out of my mouth, proclaiming my love for this land, the magic of being in the here-and-now, my love for the spirits of this place, for the places in the directions that I had called to....

But I wasn't quite comfortable facing the moon, directly West. My attention was drawn too much to the field, so I turned and gazed into the field, the moon directly behind me, so I was facing East, just into an empty field, in the darkness. I watched my shadow for a while, black and defined on the ground, which had started to turn white with frost, and a mist had risen from the ground, making a circle around me.

My eyes were drawn to the stars above me, and over to the eastern horizon, nothing special there, a couple of stars and a line of trees - but between us was this mist... as I watched I felt certain that I could sense it moving, twisting and shaping into something - something... that I never was able to make out the form of...

And so I called to the spirit of place, this place, this field, could it show itself in a form that I could see and understand? The more I gazed into the swirling mists, the more they swirled and shifted, and the more I became convinced that *something* was going to take shape and step forward , but it didn't  And the more I stared and tried to visualise, the more distracted I got and ended up looking at the line of trees on the horizon.

I did note that the stars had risen from the east a little, and that there were two of them one directly above the other, in a vertical line. Nothing was happening with the mist, it was cold and I was getting too distracted anyway, the more I tried to concentrate on the mist, the more my eyes moved onto those two stars. Maybe it  was time to go home. I made a mental note to find out what the stars were called, see if they were part of something familiar, and I pulled my phone out of my pocket and turned on Google sky map.

Thats when I really discovered that the directions were lined up exactly. These stars were part of a constellation rising exactly in the east, and they were called Aquila. I'd never heard of Aquila, so I googled it.

Aquila is a constellation in the northern sky. Its name is Latin for 'eagle' and it represents the bird who carried Zeus's/Jupiter's thunderbolts in Greco-Roman mythology.

Oh, ok, I like Jupiter, so it caught my interest and I read on. Also known to the Babylonians as The Eagle, and  the flying vulture to the Romans. Hindus know it as the half-eagle/half-human deity Garuda. So why was I so drawn to it? Oh..... I know an Eagle/vulture figure in welsh mythology... a dead and rotting eagle to be precise...

Is this the hawk of dawn? If not, what is the hawk of dawn? This became important to me - this constellation actually is a representation of and eagle/vulture/hawk, and it rises exactly in the east, in this land.

So I'm checking timings...
On December 21st it rises 08:30 GMT    <== sun rises at 08:03 GMT
On January 21st it rises 06:30 GMT
On February 21st it rises 04:30 GMT
On March 21st it rises 02.30 GMT
On April 21st it rises at 01:40 GMT+1
On May 21st it rises at 23:30 GMT+1
On June 21st it rises at 21:30 GMT+1   <== sun sets at 21:20 GMT+1
On July 21st it rises at 19:30 GMT+1
On August 21st it rises at 17.30 GMT+1
On September 21st it rises at 15:30 GMT+1
On October 21st it rises at 13.30 GMT+1
On November 21st it rises 10.30 GMT

All figures taken from Google sky map, and are for 2013, they are approximately when the entire constellation clears the horizon.

Looking at this right now, what strikes me is that the constellation is visible for the waxing half of the year, and invisible for the waning half of the year. It actually becomes the 'hawk of dawn' around the winter solstice, at the start of the solar year.

Llew Llaw Gyffes is taken to be a solar deity in the mabinogion, when he is ritually killed he becomes through death, an eagle - a dead, rotting eagle to be precise and is eventually found and brought back to life. This matches the timings here - after the summer solstice, as the sun is dying, the rising of the constellation of Aquila as it rises, is invisible in the daytime sky -dead or vanished into the underworld. So, in the case of Aquila it is when the sun is at his maximum strength , when he 'has it all' that Aquila dies (although what we think of as summer is really only just starting, temperature wise) and this ties in with Llew Llaw Gyffes, it is when he has his name, arms and a wife and castle/land that he dies and vanishes into the land of the dead.

His life, in this world is when he is a young boy, growing and acquiring his name, arms and bride - which is when Aquila is visible rising in the night sky between the winter and summer solstices.

Probably putting it better, in the mabinogion, Llew is the solar deity, and Blodeuwedd is the land, she is literally made out of the land itself. So, particularly in his early life, when Aquila can be seen rising from the horizon, having contact with the land, this is Llew in his physical manifestation in a physical body, in this world. When he reaches his peak of power, Llew and Blodeuwedd lose interest in each other, and she arranges for him to be ritually killed and sent into the other world. After the summer solstice, when the sun is at its peak, the length of daylight and the earlier rising time of Aquila mean that Aquila can only be seen well after it has risen, it exists quite separately from the land in the black sky. The connection between Aquila and the land are no longer visible. So Aquila exists only in the other world, not in the material world.




So now I have questions - Is the story of  Llew an explanation for Aquila? Is Aquila Llew? Pre-Bronze Age, when the skies here were clearer of clouds, before the sun and day length became more important, the stars were the main focus... was the observance of  Aquila actually the marker for the solstices? - Each month shows a time difference of 2 hours, so that is half an hour a week. If the 2 stars that I noticed were observed from the same location at regular intervals, say, an observatory of some kind, if 2 stones were aligned to the point on the horizon where they should rise - because this stays constant - very close to the solstices, the stars would either vanish from sight or come back into sight rising from the earth. A week is 30 minutes difference, so I am surmising that this could be accurate to within a day or so of the date taken to be the solstice.

And guess what - the ritual killing of Llew, there was only one way that he could die. At the summer solstice, when Aquila dies/becomes invisible, do you know what constellations are beneath him? And I mean, literally beneath him in our sky, so when his rising vanishes,as the evenings draw out, he will be visible later at night, when he is already high in the sky, there will be 2 constellations underneath him, under his feet... capricorn and aquarius. A goat and a water carrier. They are positioned rather similar to the 3 dots on the awen symbol, with Aquila as the top, and Aquarius and Capricorn side by side underneath, like feet.


More of the killing - this was to be on a river bank... could the river here be the milky way?Aquila lies in the milky way, and maybe this ties in with recent findings at stonehenge and a possible alignment with the milky way? http://digitaldigging.net/features/stonehenge-avenue/stonehenge-durrington-walls-avenue-alignment.html

Now we have a question about using eagles, capricorn and aquarius, surely they are just our accepted representations from the greek/roman astrologers. Yes. I agree. BUT if this is pre/bronze age and never written down... this astrology encoded as a story that explains how to calculate the solstices... by the time of the iron age druids, maybe it still had its scientific meaning understood as well as the story, maybe it was told using the british equivalents of aquarius and capricorn. But think on... when was it actually written down, and who wrote it down. And what astrological nomenclature did they use?

*I havent finished with this yet!* please, if you have read this, dont publicise it just yet until I've finished wrestling with it in my head. If you've read it, you probably know me, by all means talk to me about it. Its not top-secret,  but its not ready for public consumption just yet.


Friday, 3 May 2013

Resuming Flame-Keeping

One of my first ever posts on this blog was about flame keeping, such a lot has changed since then. The first year was spent with the flame lit on the waxing moon, and I really did get so much from the experience.

In the second year, the flame was lit on the last quarter of each moon, and this became a real struggle. All the stuff I got from it was about loss and isolation, it became draining and hard work. I kept up with it though for a long time, through the bad dreams and messages, until illness and death came to my family, and I just didn't have the time any more, through my fathers illness and death, the bereavement and the funeral, and I just got out of the habit.

This year I have decided to take it up again, but on my terms, I'm not going to follow the schedule set by the Goddess Temple.

What I found without the flame, was that I lost track eventually  of the moons cycle and knowing where and when I am in the grand scheme of things, and in March this year I decided to take it up again, following this simple schedule - during the light half of the year I intend to light the flame on the first quarter of each moon, and in the second quarter I shall keep it on the last quarter. So I'm not just picking the easy part, but at least I feel it is in synch with the solar cycle as well, and if things get hard again, I know that it will end, and when.

The spring equinox came, just after first quarter, so my first run was that there was no flame in the switch over from dark to light - this I found interesting in itself and I hadnt thought about that. So, April was the first lighting of the flame, and I picked up a routine again. The first time round, it took a few months to settle in with the routine until things started to kick in, so I didnt expect much from the first one, and basically it is aimed at getting me into the flow of the lunar cycle again, not as a tool for anything else.

So, my first time was just a peaceful and relaxing time, spent in ritual and meditation, the closing evening came, with more meditation, and I sat with it as the sun set, watching the colour of the sunset  through the window match the colour of the flame, until it was over.



It was the end of my working week, and a beautiful clear sky, so after the flame keeping was over i decided to go out and gaze at the night sky, somewhere seclude, not really knowing where - and that will be my next post :-)

bit more about Alder

There was some practical work I did with Alder as well, Different parts of the tree can be used to extract different coloured dyes.... if you want to dye cloth with it, then you need to look at how to dye cloth, because you need to add something to the dye, and something to the cloth to make it stick, I just wanted to extract the colours to make paints with, so I made watercolour paints from the tree and in the end painted a picture with them.

What I want to share is the processing of fresh bark to create a red paint. You need a piece of alder wood with fresh living bark on it, and to take that respectfully. What I did was to check all the trees until I found one with a damaged branch, and after connecting, I sawed the damaged part to give it a clean cut that would heal better for the tree and be less likely to cause infection. I also gave an offering to the tree.
At home, to process the bark, first lightly shave the outside of the bark to remove a slight layer and with it all the bird shit and lichen etc, and then strip the full layer of bark from the wood, in small strips is ideal if you cant get it off in one go. What you need access to is the inner surface of the bark.
Then, you simply chew it for as long as you can. Your mouth will fill up with saliva, and then spit it out into a bowl. Use this as your paint, or dye substance. It will look like a bowl full of bloody vomit.
If you dont want to paint, this is the side effect I wanted to share really - when I did this I was full of cold, feeling really bad, but wanted to get this paint made so I ended up chewing 3 mouthfuls of the prepared bark. It worked a miracle actually, I felt right as rain very quickly, and my cold was completely gone - until the next day when it had worn off and the cold came back as bad as before.
Alder is a member of the birch family, and the bark is full of aspirin -BEAR THIS IN MIND IF YOU HAVE AN ALLERGY! So I had been dosing myself up with natural aspirin. Probably not a good idea to do this every day, but it worked extremely well for about 18 hours :-)
I eventually made paints with the bark, catkins and cones - leaves were not out to make dye from, but I painted a picture with the paints -



In addition to the painting, I used the piece of wood I had taken as incense, I found that the wood, shaved and burnt on charcoal had a really lovely smell to it, very much like raspberry.

A bit about Alder

A while back, I was set some 'homework' to do something with Alder, I got really immersed in it and came up with an essay and kind of presentation thing, but then never got the chance to deliver it, so I kept the information for myself.

However this week I have been reading someone else's blog and they've presented up an amount of information that really made me excited and tingly because I really understood what was going on with the journey of receiving it, so I thought, maybe i should pass that on and put my essay thing up here and share it, I'll see how it works, it was meant to be spoken and have things passed round and not just read, but I'll see how it goes.....

_____________________________________________________________________________



I have found myself very much inspired to explore what Alder is about, and I have enjoyed spending time on this. I found myself following several different strands on this project, and in the end it all linked back together again, so here is my experience with Alder.

Firstly I looked at the Fire and water aspects of Alder, this is how we look at Alder today, holding the two opposing elements in balance within itself. As a timber, Alder has to be used either completely bone dry or completely immersed in water. Anything in between these two extremes makes it virtually un-useable and it quickly rots. Immersed in water, it lasts virtually for ever and becomes like stone so it is used in foundations laid in water, in bridges, and indeed most of Venice is built upon Alder pilings. In the Bronze Age, wooden strongholds called Crannochs were built on Scottish Lochs, and the alder posts of the supporting platforms still remain. 

When it is properly dried out, it gives one of the best firewoods, but it has to be PROPERLY dried out, and it makes the best charcoal, which because it is very fine, is used to make gunpowder.
At Imbolc, I was left with a tarot card depicting a warrior queen holding both fire and water. This warrior queen I know very well, it is She who holds my feminine side and is represented as the tattoo on my back. So, I was looking for quotes about Alder, at this stage avoiding references to Bran, and I found this, from Tree Magic by Gillian Kemp –“Alder is a symbol of strength in battle and shows that you will win in battle. The orange/red sap is associated with blood and war. Alder is sometimes known as The Goddess Tree and is also called The Very Battle Witch of Trees”

As I read this, I recognised immediately  that the descriptions matched Her very well, -  the Alder is special to Her, as is the raven and other black birds. Also it is said about Alder that it contains a door to the fairy realms within its trunk, and if they do not want to be seen, they come and go un-noticed  in the form of crows and other black birds.

Now, this connection with the Alder struck me, because a couple of weeks earlier I had made a shrine to her at the place where I have felt her the strongest, and this just happens to be under an alder tree on the river Dee and it in in the tree that I made the shrine.

Incidentally she has a roman counterpart in Minerva, who has a shrine built by the romans , also on the banks of the Dee. Minerva is the goddess of wisdom and is always depicted in full battle dress, with a coat of mail, helmet and spear, but she was only worshipped as the goddess or war in Rome itself. Her sacred  plants are the olive, mulberry and Alder, and lo and behold, her main annual festival was held  between March 19 -23, the equinox, which is also when Alder holds sway.

Which leads us on to Bran – Robert Graves says about the battle of Achren – “In ancient times, to know the names of the enemies gods was to be able to summon them and fight a battle of a different kind. In the battle of Achren, there was a man on one side and a woman on the other, who unless their names were known, could not be overcome” And he quotes –

Sure hoofed is my steed, Impelled by the spur
The high sprigs of Alder are on thy shield
Bran art thou called, of the glittering branches
Sure hoofed is my steed in the day of battle
The high sprigs of Alder are in thy hand
Bran thou art, by the branch thou bearest
Amatheon, the good, has prevailed.

This battle is taken to be a battle between trees, Bran representing Alder and the underworld, and Gwydion representing Ash and this world on the other. As Bran’s name is deduced from the Alder on his shield and in his hand, he succumbs to the battle and loses, and Ash is victorious. This is symbolic of the spring equinox, the passing from the dark half of the year to the light half of the year. All the trees are seemingly bare, but the alder is in full bloom with its yellow catkins. After the equinox the ash will take over and with it, life will return to the other trees and the land will become leafy and fully alive again.


This brings me to Bran, and Alder’s connection to him as told in the Mabinogion, but before I do that, I want to meander again…

A couple of years ago, I spent time doing some workaround Bran at Cader Idris, centring around one particular route to the summit, and more importantly, the relationship of the landscape with the summit.. This represented six months’ worth of work, so I will have to summarise and hope it makes sense.

On the northern side of Cader Idris, in the valley, are a set of standing stones and a lake called Llyn Gwernan.  Gwern being the welsh word for Alder. Local folklore says that this lake was inhabited by a green man who would watch strangers climbing up the slopes of Cader Idris, and when they got near the top,  he would call in clouds and wind and make them lose their footing and fall to their death. He would later go and collect their bones and bring them back to be kept in the lake. Certainly, the whole of the northern side of Cader Idris is clearly visible from this lake. The key words that I took from this were ‘strangers’, ‘bones’ and ‘lake’ – so, treating this ‘lake of alder trees’  as a sacrificial lake, I spent time getting to know the spirit of the lake, meditating on its shores, giving offerings of bone and my hair, and asking permission to work spiritually on Cader Idris.

Now, when I look at the story of Branwen in the Mabinogion, Branwen had a son called Gwern, he was half Irish and half welsh, representing the union of the two opposite nations. The story says –
“As soon as they sat down, they made peace, and the boy was invested with the kingship. When the peace had been concluded, Bran called the boy over to come to him. From Bran, Gwern went over to Manawydan, and everyone who saw the boy loved him. Nissyen, son of Eurosswydd called the boy to come from Manawydan to him, and the boy went willingly. At that, Evnissyen said  “Why does my nephew, the son of my sister, not come to me?” Let him go gladly, said Bran, and Gwern went gladly. “By my confession to god”, thought Evnissyen, “This outrage I am about to commit is one the household would never expect”.  He rose and took Gwern by the feet, and at once, before a man in the house could lay a hand on him, he thrust the boy headfirst into the flames.”

Now – when I looked at Gwern from the Mabinogion,  I felt sure that this was representative of some kind of sacrifice, but I couldn’t quite work it out in my head. Writing this now, if we consider that Gwern is an Alder tree, Bran represents the land, Manawydan represents the sea, Nissyen and Evnissyen are brothers – equal but opposites: Light/dark, day/night, summer/winter, good/bad - we have the makings of a ritual sacrifice of an Alder  - the joining of two opposing sides, invested with kingship, taken from the land, immersed in the sea, removed from the sea in daylight (maybe the summer solstice) and burned as a sacrifice in darkness (maybe the winter solstice) by which time the timber could have dried out enough.
There was still something missing, so I researched more - 

Kundalini is life energy, most of our understanding of it now comes from eastern tantric practice, but it is a real force in everything/everyone that is raised through the chakras.  It has a lot of similarity to the druidic term ‘nwyfre’.  At this point, I have limited understanding of the language around this system, but I know kundalini experientially.

My basic understanding is that the energy is represented as a serpent coiled three and a half times around the base chakra at the bottom of your spine. Within each person is 2 polar opposites… male/female, light/dark…  usually referred as masculine and feminine and it is the uncoiling and raising of each of these energies so that they intertwine and connect that raises a huge amount of energy. It is envisioned either as a goddess or else as a sleeping serpent, hence a number of English renderings of the term such as "serpent power".  In reiki this is symbolised by the glyph with 3 and a half spirals and a cross bar which is pulled backwards and forwards drawing positive and negative and it is the interplay between the two polar opposites that creates the energy. This can also be used between two people, not necessarily a man and a woman as their energies can be raised sometimes in a sexual type situation, but the interplay is on a spiritual or divine level to create a divine union or marriage which sparks off creation. Each of us holds this within ourselves, individually it is a ‘doing’ or ‘action’ force like the adrenaline rush but once raised can be held and channelled into a project or task.

Going back to Gwern and the ritual in the Mabinogion, what I can see here is that it says that Branwen is kept prisoner – she is “driven from her husband’s chamber and made to cook for the court, and not less than three years passed thus…” So in terms of status, as well as position within the castle, she has moved from the top, to the bottom - from queen to servant, from the chamber at the top of the castle, to the kitchens at the bottom, and she is there for no less than 3 spirals of the solar year. After  these  3 years we have the meeting of the polar opposites – opposites contained within the one. Branwen and Bran are re-united. Brother and sister. Gwern himself is a union of two opposite sides – Irish and Welsh.  He is passed from land to sea (two brothers), from light to darkness(two brothers), presumably storing  up kundalini energy in some way before being burnt in the hearth fire and the energy released resulted in a battle which destroyed all the Irish and all the welsh bar 7 people.

How can this work? Well here’s the second part of this thread… 

Looking into the use of alder as a sacrificial substance, I found some research into Horse skulls and the use of an ‘Alder-Horse’ as a depositional sacrifice in buildings. Although the focus of this is in Finland, the custom also took place in elsewhere in Europe (mainly Southern Scandinavia and the British Isles)

Deposits seem to be made at the borders of a building, and especially at the openings, such as the door, windows and chimney and in corners. Other contexts are in walls, under floors, in the roof constructs and the hearth.
The horse first appears as a building deposit in Northern Europe in the Bronze Age, but it becomes more common in the beginning of the Iron Age. During the Iron Age there is seen a trend towards depositing only certain parts of the horse, namely the skull together with leg bones and perhaps the tail.
Now…The “alder horse”: a folklore example from the 19th century:
The alder-horse (in Finnish leppähevonen) is known in folklore both in the eastern and the northern part of the country. This example is from Kiiminki, and it has been written down in the 19th century and published in the above-mentioned compilation of Finnish magic practices in 1933
”When a new stable is built a horse is made of alder-wood and for it a small stable. A blanket for the horse is made from a piece of the skirt of a woman who has recently given birth, and the eyes are painted on the horse with the woman’s blood. Barley and quicksilver are placed in a basket and put in front of the horse. This alder-horse and its stable are put under the floor of the new stable to give the horses good health and luck.”
(translated by the author) (Rantasalo 1933a, p.9)
The alder-horse is an example of imitative or so-called homeopathic magic (Frazer 1922, pp.14-43). The actual horse-deposit is replaced by the image of a horse. One might say that this is definitely a more economical way to make a horse-deposit than if a real horse was used.
The example is full of magic elements: firstly alder is the preferred wood in Finnish magic, and the use of the skirt and blood of a woman who have recently given birth is also very typical.
The folklore example continues:
”If the alder-horse is stolen and put under the thief’s stable, the horse-luck will follow with it. If the alder-horse is knocked upside-down, the horses in that stable will die. If the alder-horse is stolen and the pastures are circled with it and then the alder-horse is buried upside-down close to an ant-hill on the north-side of the pastures, the horses (of the stable where the alder-horse was stolen from) die at those pastures and the horse-luck will not return unless a new stable is built in another place.”
This gives an idea of the ill-willing magic or witch-craft that people were afraid of. Envy was a really dangerous thing and every neighbour was a possible witch(Nenonen & Kervinen 1994, p.39ff). It also shows the believed link between alder-horse and the real horses in the stable.

 In Finland the fear of witchcraft is the main reason given for the deposits in the collected folklore. There seem to have been a need for protective magic, especially protecting the borders of a building from outside threats. The feared weakness of the household’s borders has been noted by both Jari Eilola (2003, p.314), in his studies of witchcraft and magic in the latter half of the17th century, and Touko Issakainen (2005, p.272), in his studies of 19th century magic. The weakest points in a building were the openings, doors, windows, and chimneys.
One interesting reason for depositing is not protection from witchcraft but actually a malicious act of witchery. When a deposit is secretly made in another person’s building one is thought to be able to curse the building or even steal the luck from it.
This fits with Eilola’s (2003, pp.187 and 226) notion that witchcraft was the act of breaking the borders of a household for example by introducing an alien object into it.
The meaning of the building deposits as offerings for supernatural beings has sometimes been suggested as the oldest reason for the custom (Carlie 2004, p.217ff).This may be true, but even the Finnish folklore from the 19th century recognizes this meaning. So, it seems that layers of meanings of different ages have co-existed.
HORSE SKULLS AND “ALDER HORSE”:THE HORSE AS A DEPOSITIONAL SACRIFICE IN BUILDINGS -SONJA HUKANTAIVAL
http://www.academia.edu/701476/Horse_Skulls_and_Alder_Horse_The_Horse_as_a_Building_Deposit

Layers of meanings from different ages have existed…  but we have here examples of Alder wood being used as a substitute for animal sacrifice for protection, or as a way of magically accessing, a building through amongst other locations, the hearth. And I am bearing in mind that Gwern himself was burnt perhaps as a sacrifice in the hearth of the castle where the Welsh army had collected.  So.. was this Gwern an actual human sacrifice, or Alder wood imbued with ritually raised life-energy? And for what reason?


In Hindu mythology there is a basic recurring theme of  the creation of the world by the self-sacrifice of God—"sacrifice" in the original sense of "making sacred"—whereby God becomes the world which, in the end, becomes again God. For example in the Rigveda which was composed in the north-western region of the Indian subcontinent, roughly between 1700–1100 BC, Purusha is at once supreme being, the cosmos, and as such he is sacrificed primordially as the very act of creation. As cosmic being, only one quarter of purusha is manifest; three-quarters of him are eternally unmanifest. Self-immolated, his creative act becomes a prototype: all sacrifices henceforth are repititions, reconstructing victim, altar, and even the consequences of that primeval sacrifice. In other words the human work, in correspondence with the divine original, recreates the world with each new sacrifice, producing as not only all living creatures, celestial bodies, the three worlds, and the gods themselves.

We do not have a ‘Celtic creation myth’ but I have given these two examples because they illustrate the point. The Rigveda was written at a time contemporary with pre-celtic culture, and I assume can be thought to have been held in belief for a long time before it was written down. And it crops up again in the later, Norse mythology,  where Ymir is the primeval being from whom the universe is made. In the poem Grímnismál, the god Odin (disguised as Grímnir) imparts in the young Agnarr cosmological knowledge. In one stanza, Odin mentions Ymir as he recalls the fashioning of the world from his body:

 "Out of Ymir's flesh was fashioned the earth,
And the ocean out of his blood;
Of his bones the hills, of his hair the trees,
Of his skull the heavens high."
"Mithgarth the gods from his eyebrows made,
And set for the sons of men;
And out of his brain the baleful clouds
They made to move on high."

Coming back to the Mabinogion again, we have a very good example in the story of Math, son of Mathonwy,  of a human being being made from plants – Blodeuedd, and her story. So it is possible that in the original story of Gwern, he was a human sacrifice possibly meant to recreate the destruction of the primal being and re-creation of the universe. Certainly it seems that the result of this ritual wiped out the irish, so their nation was re-created, and on return to Wales, it was found that Bran’s kingdom had gone. (Incidentally, Bran’s head, like the horses Skulls, was buried in the White Hill in London, and whilst the head was concealed, no plague came across the sea to this island.)

So it is possible that a human could be fashioned from plants, from Alder. And this Alder-boy, Gwern can be ritually imbued with life force to make a living, energetic sacrifice suitable for the purpose… Looking at the timescale suggested in the story, Gwern is approximately 5 years old, so rather than imagining a huge alder tree, consider a slender sapling, maybe a metre or so tall, a staff perhaps, or a wand, or spear? but why Alder?

The internet is full of references that Irish and Scandinavian creation myths  say that the first man/woman was made from Alder (and the opposite sex from Ash) but I could not manage to track down one of these myths. However in his study of the comparative evidence for an origin of mankind from trees in Indo-European society, Anders Hultgård observes that "myths of the origin of mankind from trees or wood seem to be particularly connected with ancient Europe and Indo-Europe and Indo-European-speaking peoples of Asia Minor and Iran. By contrast the cultures of the Near East show almost exclusively the type of stories that derive man's origin from clay, earth or blood by means of a divine creation act".

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Lessons from the Universe


A couple of weeks ago, I had decided that I was going to buy a drum *this week*. The drum I had in mind had been up for sale for many months and I wanted it.  I really wanted it.So, I had budgeted, and decided that if it was still there after pay day, it was mine.

Pay day was 4 days ago...The drum had been for sale for many months, a couple of days before pay day it was still there...  I checked on-line and after months of being unwanted on the website, the drum had gone.
So it wasn't meant to be.
The money I had set aside for the drum was £155.

Yesterday I put the wrong fuel in my car, coming out of work tired I put unleaded petrol into my diesel car and having it put right again has cost me £165.18

That is not far out from the money I had set aside for the drum.

So, rather than be all "woe is me" and kicking myself, I am looking at this as a lesson.
I wasn't meant to get the new drum after all, but I was meant to save the money for it. And I was meant to mis-fuel the car. So why?

What I have learnt in the past 24 hours is that I am taken care of.

In the physical sense, everything was taken care of at the petrol station. The gave me their phone to use, I had RAC membership - I could have been stranded there and not known what to do, but at every stage of this I had support and help. All I had to do was ask for it and allow it.  My daughter, who was a passenger at the time,  was picked up and taken home by her mother. The car was towed to my local garage to be fixed, friends rallied round to give support, work colleagues checked what was wrong and to see if I needed help while I was waiting.
I had 24 hours with no car. I was given a lift into work, and once in work people offered to give me lifts home after my shift.
The garage itself was very busy with the bank holiday weekend, but they made time to get the work done for me.

As below, so above -


The universe/Spirit is taking care of me, and this really does click in with a few insecurities I have had recently, and it really does bring home a message that I got from my equinox trip to Moel Fenlli. Not something I have mentioned to anyone else, I've been quietly working it out for myself. And I may be a sentimental old hippy, but this is precisely the message that I needed right now, there are a lot of changes going on for me this year, and it IS good to have it hammered home that things are going to be alright.

TRUST.

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Visiting the Other World for Spring Equinox

I had one of those dreams yesterday, the ones that go on and on, telling you something that your sub concious thinks you should know about. So when I got up I went and had a long bath and thought about it, a really long bath until the water was stone cold, but it was productive and I've set myself some goals for this coming year.
Feeling upbeat about it all, I decided that after my night shift at work, I would head to the hills as soon as I finished, and pick myself up from where I left off a while ago. And then I went for a walk because since my dog died, I really haven't been outside anywhere near as much as I should be.
A walk without her..... just wasn't the same, and I came back home feeling a bit down to be honest, but I packed all my stuff into the car so I could go to the hills straight from work, but it was a long shift... and I got to thinking about all the other times I had been to Moel Fenlli with her, and this would be my first time without my companion and guide, and I ended up rather dis-heartened about going out for the spring equinox.

However, I pushed myself, and I had already told people I was going so that it would make it harder for me to back out. On my way out I bought myself a bag of cookies and a yoghurt drink, and as I was at the till I was looking at it thinking "why have I got a yoghurt drink, milk makes me feel sick?" but I was being served so I payed up and went on my way to Moel Fenlli.

And WOW! as I drove up the valley to the hill, I went from my cloudy/bit mild local weather into freezing cold and snow! Everything looked so beautiful and was like I had driven into another world.
I pulled in to the car park and got out of the car, and immediately a robin came up to me and started bobbing up and down in front of me as I was drinking in the scenery. Now I know this is a big Faery place, so I got the cookies out of the car and offered the bird some crumbs, which it ate and then sat next to the car singing.


I really couldn't get over how breath-takingly beautiful the hills and the pass were, so instead of taking the route straight up to the fort, I took the longer route that spirals round the hill, even though it was bitterly cold, and I am Soooooo glad I did.
Everywhere was silent, apart from birdsong and the ravens flying across the valley, and I found myself following a trail of raven footprints. Looking back to take photos of the view, I could see my footprints walking alongside those of a bird - although I'd like to think it was a raven, it was more likely a pheasant, but what the heck, it made me feel good, and also noting that behind me was grey and foggy and where I was heading was bright and sunny.

I got to the cairn at the top of the fort which was shrouded in mist, and I was still blown away by the beauty of it all.

And I sat there a while to take it all in and to relax, I got my drum and a pair of ash sticks out, and it occurred to me that I had milk and biscuits with me, so shared them out with the spirit of place, and then went round and round the cairn, chanting the englyns from the Battle of Achren, calling on the springtime, calling the sun to add strength to the Lady of Spring for her battle, first with the sticks, and then beating a rhythm with my drum, building and building it to a crescendo. Then there was a pause and I did the same again, beating a rhythm for Benlli, king of the hill, and it all got a bit mad and wonderful :-)


On the way down, although I took the shorter route down, I found myself again following the footsteps of the bird, took more photos, the place had a really special magical feel to it, lots of contrasts between green spring and white winter, and I drove home feeling happy and relaxed.

Back at home as I got out of the car again, everything seemed dull and drab, mild, dreary and overcast, and I felt as if I had just returned to the mundane , from being in a different world altogether.